Time flies

Since my last post a lot has happened...

We experienced something no woman should ever have to experience when we miscarried our second baby on February 18th, 2014.

Mama was diagnosed with breast cancer in the summer of 2014 and had a lumpectomy followed by two chemo treatments and over 75 radiation treatments.

Mama was hospitalized from Hands and Foot Syndrome that was chemo induced and had surgery on her hand for carpal tunnel that was chemo induced.

We traveled to NYC with a 13 month old back in March of 2014.

We found out we were expecting our third child, Joyanna Paige Sanders.

We experienced a few scares with that pregnancy when the doctor told us she had IUGR (Intrauterine Growth Restriction) due to an artery restricting more than it should. I was hospitalized the day before Halloween due to the IUGR and ogliohydraminias (low fluid levels). After 5 days, I was released but instead of biweekly appointments for dopplars and growth scans and BPP's, I had to go to daily appointments. I even had to see a perinatologist. At 37 weeks, Joyanna was born and was a healthy 5lb, 18inch baby girl without any issues. I was unable to VBAC due to the complications (the risk was incredibly too high) however, not having a NICU stay was an act of God because the doctors were definitely worried.

We found out that the plant my husband works at was closing for good by 2016.

Our sweet Raegan began pulling her hair out in August and by November it was completely gone. My little angel was bald. What caused this, we can speculate on all day long and it broke our hearts and even caused anger. We tried everything you can imagine from dolls with hair, horse toys with hair, fuzzy pillows, scratch sleeves, redirecting the behavior, and everything in between but in her sleep and in the car seat, we could not stop it. Currently, her hair is growing back slowly and she does not mess with it. We are praying that it was just a temporary behavior and not trichotillamania.

Raegan became a full blown toddler who changed sooo much and has been so busy and active.

Whew, what an eventful 2014. I just thought 2013 was an adjustment with a new baby and losing my Daddy.

Through it all though, God has been so faithful. We have seen miracles occur as with Joyanna our miracle baby and with Mama completing her last round of radiation on New Years Eve. Praise God for her having a mammogram this summer and her doctor catching the lump early.

 "...to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved." Ephesians 1:6

We are so undeserving of everything we have. We are not guaranteed tomorrow and what we consider to be sadness and suffering is nothing compared to what we deserve. Christ died. He bled. His blood was shed for me. An eventful year just made our little family trust in Him more and rely on Him more. He drew me closer to Him through all of the joy and sorrow.

God is good.

The first man I ever loved...

Nearly 4 months ago on September 9th my whole little perfect world was turned upside down. It started off as a regular Monday, I went to work at dialysis and the day was going by so fast. At around 3:30 that evening I was in my office and saw a text from Mama saying "call me when you can." When I called her she said that she was working when her cell phone rang and it was an odd number from another county. She called back and just as she suspected it wad Daddy's work. The lady told her that Daddy had been tarping a load on his big truck and had experienced arm and leg cramps and they thought he had a heat stroke. Of course, I told her I was coming home and we would go to the hospital together. We hung up, I gathered my things and told my boss what was going on and scurried on out the door. Shortly after, Mama called back to say that Daddy called her and said he was at the ER and thought he was a little dehydrated. From the other line, Mama said she heard a nurse say "Is that your wife?" And when Daddy replied "yes," she took the phone and told Mama that "your husbands having a heart attack and can't talk." Those were the last words Daddy said to Mama. I cannot believe that 4 months (the 10th will be 4 months exactly) has passed since I spent the longest 24 hours of my life at Memorial Health Hospital in Savannah with my Daddy. I would walk into the room with all of the machines (balloon pump, dialysis via catheter, ventilator, and over 30 bags of medicine) hooked up to him. I would hold his cold hand, kiss his forehead, and pray for God's loving mercy. Despite my best plans for my life and my hopes that Daddy could watch Raegan grow up, God had other plans. On September 10th and 6:45pm, Daddy passed away. The doctors and nurses could not provide any more care than they were providing. Benton, Raegan (yes, the baby), Mama, Erik, and I and some other friends and family slept in an overnight waiting room on the 9th. It really has not even sank in that Daddy is gone even though we went through Thanksgiving and Christmas without him. He drove a truck so it just seems as though he is on a long trip. I wish so bad I could send him a picture of Raegan like I use to. I wish so bad that I could call him on my way home from work and talk like we use to. When I drove to Gulf Breeze in October, it was rough. Usually, I always call Daddy on my way to anywhere I go because he always had the BEST advice regarding directions and where to go. He gave better directions than any GPS could. I wish Raegan would have had the chance to really get to know Daddy. Daddy called Raegan "his girl." He loved her and wanted to spoil her all of the time. When we were with him, he held her all of the time. We had just taken a trip to Gatlinburg, TN with Mama, Daddy, and Erik over Labor Day weekend. It was a great trip. The weather was nice and we was able to eat with them a lot of nights and go shopping at the outlets outside of Pigeon Forge. I wish I would have taken more pictures while there. While admist my sadness and loss - I have to remember that God's timing is not my timing. God control ALL things even though we may not understand the reason. I have friends who have lost a parent or sibling in the past - even some who have lost both parents. I have been so blessed to have had 24 years with Daddy. Benton's Dad also passed away when he was only 18. Luckily, Raegan has her great-grandfather (my Papa) still around to spoil her - but I sure wish she could have met those who have passed. Thankfully Daddy instilled some great things in me. He taught me to love good old rock music and the "real" country music from days pass. However, he did like some of the newer country (I Will See You Again by Carrie Underwood and Drink In My Hand by Eric Church). I absolutely love to drive places - I know that is from him because Mama hates it! I am outgoing whereas Erik and Mama are homebodies. I have friends all over the place - Daddy did too. I LOVED my puppy Zoe - she was the best miniature schnauzer and she was Daddy's Tator Bug. Every day while I was in my dietetic internship at the Medical Center, I would drop Zoe off with Daddy. He was out of work at the time due to his hand being degloved. Daddy became so attached to the dog that Mama and he both begged Benton not to get me. He would fix me a fried egg sandwich with mayo every single morning and without telling me he would fix Zoe one too. He loved to travel, as do I. He did not see the point in spending money on things such as a big fancy house or car when you could spend money to go on vacation and make a memory - I feel the same. Daddy loved to tell me that my life was a soap opera - I beg to differ. However, he said the name of my life was "As Morgans World Turns." Daddy was the first man I ever loved. That day when my world was turned upside down, we had no idea that the stomach cramps and leg and arm cramps was a sign of a heart attack due to poor blood flow. That long drive to Savannah was made with a baby in tow and only only 2 diapers and no changes of clothes. We were surrounded by family and friends who were praying constantly while we watched Daddy struggle to survive. The Cardiologist had told us he quit breathing while they put a stent in. Daddy's heart attack was in the main artery of his heart at the very top part, therefore, blood flow had been cut off to his other vital organs and they were keeping him medically paralyzed to prevent his brain from trying to make his organs function on their own. While I don't understand God's reasoning for taking him at the age of 52, I trust that God's timing is always perfect. Despite all of the medicine and science that is available, when the good Lord is ready for you to go home, he will take you. I am so grateful that even with 100% blockage, Daddy did not feel pain. I have been so fortunate to have had Daddy for 24 years - he was there with me to experience a high school graduation, 2 college graduations, graduating my internship and passing the RD exam, he was able to walk me down the isle to marry my best friend, and he was able to be there the day Raegan was born and experience 7 1/2 months of her growing up. I know that Grandma and Papa Evans was glad to see their baby boy again - but I am sure it was unexpected. As Rod Stewart's song "Have I Told You Lately" came on the radio this morning, memories from our Daddy/Daughter dance from Benton and I's wedding day came back. I was once again reminded that Daddy truly filled my heart with gladness and he would be the last person to want any of us to sit around and be sad. I have experienced God's comfort over the past few months and an overwhelming amount of prayers, love, hugs, calls, texts, visits, cards, food, and support from friends and family. Please continue to keep my family and I in your prayers as we learn to adjust. I am so thankful that God's grace is enough. "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away, Blessed be the name of the Lord." Job 1:21

I've seen this quote floating around facebook and the blog world today and just had to repost it: "I used to wonder if I was ready to be an adoptive parent, until I realized that children are never ready to be orphans." - Glenn Styffe

Things to Remember

It is hard to believe my little munchkin turned 2 months old yesterday.

Month 1-

She loves sleeping on her tummy!
Picking her head up!
Being a shoulder baby!
Looking over Mommy & Daddys shoulder while walking around!
Bath time in the Blooming Baby Flower bath!
Eating!
A clean warm cloth diaper!
The swaddle me blankets!
The noise maker that sounds like rain, a beach, and a waterfall!
Laughing and smiling while asleep!
Rolling over from back to stomach!
Soothie pacifiers by Avent!
Playtex Drop In liner bottles!
Visiting my grandparents!
Country music!
Riding in a car!
Being pushed in a jogging stroller!
Playing with Rylie Kate, Josie, and Ella at Mrs. Maudie's!
The boppy pillow!
The rocking sleeper!
Hooded jackets!


Dislikes-
When mommy puts Karo syrup in my hair to make bows stay
The initial shock of being strapped into my car seat!
Mittens!
Getting my nails filed or trimmed!

Month 2-
Finally smiling and laughing a lot more since she can control it!
Going to church!
Eating!
Bath time!
Being naked! (When its not cold!)
Being held on someones shoulder!
Laying on daddy's chest!
Watching Sassy and Delemar!

More to come :)